The last weeks of maternity leave felt strange to me. I wanted to soak up every slow morning with my baby, yet part of me also looked forward to hot coffee and finished conversations again. Then the guilt arrived for even thinking that. If you are in that wobbly in-between place, you are not alone.
Going back to work is a whole new routine for you and your baby, and you do not have to get it perfect on day one. A gentle, phased plan, a little practise, and much lower standards at home at first can make it far more manageable.
Quick Answer
Start a few weeks before your first day, not the night before. Book settling-in sessions at childcare, try short practise separations, and do a trial run of the morning and journey. If your employer agrees, starting mid-week or with shorter days can feel gentler than a full week. In week one, lay out clothes and bags the night before, plan the easiest dinners you can, go to bed early, and let other standards slide. Feeling guilty, relieved, sad, and excited at once is normal.
A Few Weeks Before: The Gentle Build-Up
Spreading the small jobs over two or three weeks helps the change feel gradual for your baby.
Practise childcare settling-in sessions
Most nurseries, childminders, and family carers offer settling-in visits, and they are worth using properly. A first visit might be an hour with you there. Later visits can be longer, with you stepping out briefly. This helps your baby learn that this place is safe, and that you always come back. It helps you, too: you can see where your baby will nap and eat, and ask questions calmly. If your baby is unsettled at first, do not panic. That is what this time is for.
Try short practise separations
If your baby has mostly been with you, short separations with a trusted person are a kind first step. An hour with a grandparent, partner, or close friend while you go for a walk gives your baby a gentle experience of other care. Keep goodbyes short and warm: a cheerful “Mummy will be back soon” is easier than a long goodbye at the door. The same calm approach helps with settling a child into childcare and handling drop-offs, which is why I found these tips on toddler separation anxiety at nursery drop-off so reassuring.
Do a trial run of the morning and the journey
This step made the biggest difference for me. Pick a weekday, set the alarm for the real time, and run the whole morning as if it were a work day: getting ready, feeding and dressing your baby, packing bags, and travelling to childcare and on towards work. Maybe the journey takes longer than you thought, or you need your shower sorted before your baby wakes. Finding out on a practise day is a gift. It also made me write down a proper routine, and my guide to a calm morning routine with a baby and toddler shares the order that worked for us.
Lay out the logistics early
While you have headspace, confirm your start date and hours, check your childcare booking, and make sure your carer has your phone number and an emergency contact. Many families find it helps to run through the new monthly numbers, like childcare and travel, a little early so there are no surprises. Write down who does drop-off and pick-up each day.
Talking to Your Employer: Keep It Simple and Practical
A short, practical conversation before you return removes a lot of unknowns. Agree your start date and working pattern early, so neither of you is guessing. If a phased start, such as beginning mid-week or shorter days at first, would help, ask whether it is possible if your employer agrees. It is a common gentle tip, not something to assume, but worth raising early.
If you plan to express milk at work, this is also the time to ask about facilities. In general terms, many mothers do express at work, and you generally need a private space, breaks, and somewhere cold to store milk. Arrangements differ a lot, so check your own workplace policy, local law, and HR department if you have one. Check what your employer offers and what your local rules are, rather than relying on what a friend elsewhere was given. Keep it simple and professional.
The First Week: Make Everything Else Easier
However well you prepare, the first week is tiring in a new way. Protect your energy, and let week one be a survival week, in the kindest sense.
Start as gently as you can
If your employer agrees to a mid-week start, take it. Two or three days, then a weekend to rest, feels very different from five in a row. Shorter days at first, if offered, help too.
Prepare the night before, every night
Future-you, at 6 a.m. with a baby on one hip, will thank evening-you. Lay out your clothes and your baby’s clothes. Pack both bags and put them by the door. Prepare bottles or whatever your carer needs.
Plan the easiest possible dinners
This is not the week for new recipes. Use freezer meals if you batch-cooked any, lean on leftovers, and repeat simple favourites. Sketching meals ahead removes the daily “what are we eating?” question, and I use the approach in my post on simple weekly meal planning for moms in busy weeks.
Early nights and lower standards
Go to bed earlier than feels natural for a while. The washing can wait, the house need not look tidy, and non-urgent messages can wait until the weekend. Lower every other standard you can, on purpose, and remind yourself it is temporary.
Childcare Practicalities That Help
Share your baby’s routine and comforts
Write down the basics: nap times, how your baby likes to be settled, feeding patterns, any comforter or favourite song, and signs that mean tired or hungry. Carers genuinely appreciate this. It helps them comfort your baby in familiar ways.
What to pack
A simple daily bag usually covers it: spare clothes, more than you think, nappies and wipes if your setting asks for them, bottles or food as agreed, a comforter, and weather extras like a hat or coat. Packing the same way each evening makes it a quick habit.
Have a backup plan for illness days
Nobody warned me about this: babies in childcare pick up coughs and colds regularly, especially at first. It is very common, and usually means a day or more at home. Decide your backup plan now, while you are calm. Who could step in: a partner, grandparent, or trusted friend? Can you take turns? Talk to your employer early, in general terms, about how you would handle those days, so the first sick day is not also the first conversation about it.
The Feelings: Guilt, Relief, and Everything at Once
Let us be honest about this part. You might cry at drop-off and then, an hour later, enjoy a meeting and a hot drink in peace, and then feel guilty for enjoying it. Guilt and relief can exist at the same time. Missing your baby and also enjoying adult conversation are both normal. None of this makes you a better or worse mother. It makes you a person in a big change.
Wobbly first days are normal too. Many mothers tell me the anticipation was harder than the actual return, and that it usually gets easier as the routine becomes familiar. I cannot promise a timeline. But you can find it hard and still be doing a good job. Be careful with comparisons, too: a colleague who seemed to glide back may have had different help or a different baby. Your return only needs to work for your family.
Mistakes to Avoid
- Starting back on a Monday with a full week if a gentler start is available.
- Skipping the trial run and discovering journey times on the real first morning.
- Leaving all packing to the first morning, when you are tired and rushed.
- Expecting to feel one simple emotion, when you will probably feel five at once.
- Judging yourself against a colleague whose support, baby, and job may differ completely.
- Keeping every home standard at pre-baby level in week one.
- Having no backup plan for childcare illness days, which are very common.
Frequently Asked Questions
How early should I start preparing to go back to work?
A few weeks before is a comfortable pace, giving time for settling-in sessions, a trial morning, and sorting logistics without a rush. If you have less time, prioritise the trial run and night-before preparation.
What if I cry on my first day back?
Then you will be in very good company. Many mothers do, at drop-off or quietly at their desk. It does not mean you made the wrong decision. Have tissues ready, take a few minutes before your first task if you can, and remember a wobbly first day is normal.
How do I handle expressing milk at work?
Many mothers express at work, and in general terms it helps to have a private space, breaks, and somewhere cold to store milk. Because arrangements vary, check your workplace policy, ask HR about facilities, and look into your local rules.
What happens when my baby gets ill and cannot go to childcare?
It happens to almost every family using childcare, so plan for it. Decide who can step in, whether you and a partner can take turns, and talk to your employer early about how such days would be handled.
This article shares my personal experience and general ideas only, and is not professional, medical, legal, or employment advice. For full details, please read my disclaimer.